Revision Strategies

This English 110 class has been very helpful with helping me discover my favorite revision strategies. Before this class I never put much emphasis on revision, but since then I have not only learned the importance of the revision process, but also ways to effectively revise. I really enjoy the strategy of treating the text as a conversation, responding to every idea as I read it. This allows me more thoroughly engage, understand, and follow the text as I read. This strategy will help me understand more complicated texts in the future which will be very useful in the rest of my education and beyond. Another strategy I find very useful is to revisit the prompt, no matter what stage of the writing process you are in. This has helped me prevent my ideas from straying from the main idea, even if I got lost in thought. Countless times I have found my writing straying from the main topic, but by revisiting the prompt I can always real it back in before its too late. This strategy will help me beyond writing in the future. No matter what problem I’m working on, by asking myself what the actual problem is, I will prevent myself from getting distracted at what tasks I must actually accomplish. The last strategy I found very useful is peer-review. This is something I’ve always underestimated but when your peers are actually engaged it helps a lot and allows the writer to understand how the reader is perceiving their words. This has helped me make ideas in my paper more coherent. This is another skill that extends beyond writing. In the future I know I have friends I can trust to be another pair of eyes on my work. Whether that work is a paper, project, or job related task doesn’t matter. Overall this English class has prepared me for the future is ways I would have never predicted.

After reviewing my peer’s comments I am a lot more confident about my free draft. It seemed challenging to put my ideas into a coherent essay at first, but it appears like I did an alright job. That being said, I still have my work cut out for me. First, I have to add my other modes into my essay. While I have outlined where I am going to use them, I have to pick the right pictures and songs I want to use. Second, I want to focus my argument and claim sentences to support what I actually want to talk about. While I do have decent claim sentences, they aren’t exactly what I’m trying to say. Lastly, there are minor tasks to attend to such as grammar, quotes, and citations. After I accomplish all of this I feel like I’ll be in good shape. However my biggest challenge will most likely be focusing my claim sentences. While I know what I want to say, it feels difficult to actually articulate these thoughts. But with some focused thought I should be able to over come this challenge. If I can’t overcome these challenges on my own, I’m sure i can return to my peers, or teacher, to help me brainstorm some ideas. Overall, I like where I am right now and feel confident approaching this final stretch of my paper.

For my essay I am planning on using a variety of modes of communication including visual, auditory, and spatial. This includes using videos, pictures, hyperlinks, and audio clips to support my ideas. I plan on using sounds and pictures to help compare an contrast what society and I view as beautiful. My current plan for hyperlinks and videos is to use them as evidence to support my argument. Some hyperlinks will be to peers projects such as the one about Art is hospitals. This will allow me to draw in other’s ideas to help support my own. Overall, while I’m not quite yet sure how it will all fit yet (we will start to find that out in the free draft) I am exciting to be able to use other modes of composition to support my argument.

The following is a lite outline to help guide my writing. I’m not sure exactly how I want to format and organize it. I feel like my essay will really begin to take shape as I start to write. Bellow are just some of the points I want to touch on in order to hit the criteria on the rubric:

Beauty: Life’s Natural Motivation

Thesis: Beauty is all around us gives and gives the hope and will to keep moving on.

-Make sure to at least introduce Schiller in the introduction

-Include a hook

Main idea one: My personal experience with beauty

Detail: -I strive to find beauty in everything, this gives me appreciation of life

-Pictures of Beauty and explain

Detail:- Looking for the beauty in everything gives hope

-Example from world(Maybe a sound clip)

Detail: – Certain beauty can be motivation

-(another opportunity for a sound clip)

Main idea two: Armstrong and Schiller: The two drives

Detail:- Summarize and explain Schiller’s views

-use quotes from the text to help

-Use pictures to aid

Detail: -I like what he’s saying however it’s too simple

-Beauty is a complexity, can’t be as simple

Detail:-We don’t need the level of understanding Armstrong is describing

-while it may be nice beauty can be appreciated at any level

-Self examples and world examples

Main idea Three: The Role of beauty in current society

Detail: -Society’s views on beauty are hard to pin down

-so many different beliefs

-explain some beliefs (maybe video or pictures)

Detail:-Compare society’s beliefs to own

-Make sure to include examples

-Explain how these difference affect views on life

Detail:- Hit home on how beauty can motivate people

-great opportunity to use the School of Life video

-use a quote or clip

– Should society change views of beauty?

Conclusion:Beauty is beyond what we currently understand. But as long as we appreciate it ourselves, it is serving its current purpose.

-Wrap up points, especially where I disagree with Schiller

“To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience.” -Armstrong

I don’t quite agree with Armstrong on this point. While I do agree Armstrong’s statement is what usually occurs, I also feel like it is possible to view beauty as a luxury and still gain its full potential. For an example a $1 million painting is most definitely a luxury, but someone could also gain a lot from the paintings beauty. It may move them in an incredible way. I think its unfair to say that viewing beauty as a luxury always decreases the potential of the experience.

To put it simply I find beauty in just about everything. I find it beautiful how small atoms makes up everyday objects. I find the anatomy and physiology of the human body extremely beautiful, how everything work in unison. But I also see beauty on the large scale such as sunsets or a nature scenes. I think that my ability to find beauty has aided me in having a positive outlook on life

I feel like society also has a broad view on beauty. I think that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. People have drastically different ideas on what beauty is. Armstrong would explain this by saying that people have differing “sense” and “form” drives. Armstrong explains the belief that these drives determine what we find beautiful “For Schiller, true beauty is whatever speaks powerfully to both sides of our nature at the same time”. Armstrong isn’t disagreeing with beauty being in the eye of the beholder, but rather attempting to explain what beauty truly is on a deeper level. Now whether I agree with Armstrong and Schiller’s belief of two psychological drives will take a lot more thought. On one hand it seems completely plausible and reasonable, but on the other hand it seems too simple for todays neuroscience. Overall, deciding on how I feel about this belief is going to take a few more read throughs and more thought on the subject.

One of the presentations I really enjoyed was Olivia’s project. First off all I love the Boston Children’s Hospital. How they treat kids with these unfortunate conditions truly is amazing. And they do it a large part with art. It really shows how the science can pair with art. The science may physically heal these kids, but the art brings them joy and happiness. It also reminds me of a small hospital study I found, which I was unable to find again to cite, that showed art helped patients with multiple symptoms from pain to nausea. I feel real passionate about the need for all kinds of art in hospitals to assist in the healing process. Olivia’s project presented this main point to me: science can heal in ways that art can’t, but art can go further than science by providing patients with happiness and joy that no drug or surgery can bring. Lastly I felt like the picture really brought emotion and perspective to Olivia’s presentation. She did a great job using and explaining these images.

The second presentation I really enjoyed was Garrett’s. I thought the topic he picked was very original and different from the rest. I knew that some big names, like Elon Musk, are fans of Rick and Morty, but I wasn’t fully aware of how much commentary was truly in this show. I just think its a fantastic form of communication. It takes the cartoon image and uses it to send deeper messages effectively. It shows us how useful art can be. It also shows that any form of art can achieve a strong meaning, even a silly cartoon. I thought that other than showing us the cartoon itself, an essay was the best way to describe this art form. While I didn’t think the song was the most effective choice, it did a great job in showing how goofy the show is while still being able to pose thought-provoking questions. Overall, I really enjoyed this presentation because it shows how wide-range the topic of art truly is.

This They Say/I Say exercise had me underline all transitions, pointing terms, key terms, and petition in my writing. I didn’t notice any big patterns except the use of multiple transitions in my body paragraphs and the using of repetition, as well as key terms, in the introduction to all my body paragraphs. I saw that I used mostly repetition and transitions. This is good because it makes my paper easier to follow, but it did empathize the lack of pointing terms in my paper. My ideas get slightly tangled in some of my body paragraphs and I feel like pointing terms, and maybe a few more transitions, would definitely help resolve this issue. Lastly, while I did use many transitions, it often felt like I was repeating the same ones. Trying to use new and different transitions may keep my essay from getting stale.

Main Point and Free Write:

Lehrer identifies that there are currently concepts we just can’t comprehend within our world. He goes on to say that in order to come closer to understanding these concepts, we need to bridge the gap between science and art. Lehrer complains that right now scientists fail to realize that artists have valuable data on the world that could help them advance in their discovery. Lehrer goes on to say that art could be extremely beneficial because where science usually takes a bottom up approach, art allows us to start observing at the top. To explain, art allows us to look at the whole picture whereas most science is using the details in order to try to piece together the whole picture. Overall, Lehrer’s idea is that we should be using art and science in harmony in order to further understand our world.

I am not quite sure I fully agree with Lehrer. Although part of this disagreement could just be me not fully understanding his points after the first reading. Lehrer doesn’t really convince me that art can help us understand these scientific concepts. I agree with him when he says art really captures the main picture of how humans think; and I think that this is what allows art to be an amazing form of communication. However, I don’t think it helps us understand anything better. If anything I believe it adds more mystery to our world. Art proposes questions like “why does this shading invoke certain feeling”? And at the same time it brings us no closer to understanding “how” we feel this certain why. To conclude, I definitely need to read through this passage at least a few more times but to me it feels like Lehrer is proposing art as this special “snake oil”, meaning he says it will solve all these questions but I fail to see how it will actually achieve this.

Glossing the Text:

Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle: We can never know where a certain particle is for sure at a certain time because by measuring its qualities we affect the particle in the process.

The bridging principle(Text): Principles the explain how the activity of our brain cells translate into how we experience reality (our consciousness).

Reductionism: Using simple terms/ideas in order to describe a more complex idea.

Synapse: The space between neurons where they pass electrical or chemical signals to each other.

Epiphenomenon: A secondary effect; not the a direct effect.

Holistic perspective: Looking at something from a big picture point of view. A top-down perspective.

Metaphor: Comparing one idea to another in order to draw comparisons or in order to add clarification.

One Artist and Scientist:

-Niels Bohr was a scientist who helped explain the structure of atoms. Art helped allow Bohr to understand to concept of the atoms complex which helps support Lehrer’s main idea.

-Lehrer uses artist Jackson Pollock as example to show how art can have a measurable effect on us. It excites certain parts of the brain which is data we can gather from.

1. Immediate Context: “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education” was published in January of 2014 through an new online news/blog site created through a partnership of two established companies. The website, WorldPost, has head many well known contributors including Tesla founder, Elon Musk. The writer of this article, Yo-Yo Ma, is a Harvard educated man and a successful musician whose been awarded multiple Grammys.
2. Imposed Context: I am going into this article after just writing a paper supporting the usefulness of art. Therefore I will probably agree with most of Ma’s views. My purpose for reading this article is to see how Ma views the role of art in todays world.
3. Internal Context: The purpose of this article is to show that todays world has gone too far to the science end of the science-art spectrum. To obtain the worlds full potential, and avoid uncertain doom, we must try to live further in the middle of this spectrum achieving a balance, or equilibrium.
4. Interface: A surface forming a common boundary of two bodies, spaces, or phases.
5. Meridians: A set of pathways in the body along which vital energy is said to flow.
6. Virtuosos: A person highly skilled in music or another artistic pursuit.

Before:

1:Another example, is from the TED Talk, “How Painting can transform communities”, with Haas and Hahn. These two individual sent a positive message through their city wide mural whose message reached much farther than the town itself.

2:The EA argues that art is just for an individual, however that just isn’t true.

After:

1:Another example, is from the TED Talk, “How Painting can transform communities”, with Haas and Hahn. Their work resulted in the headline from The Guardian “ Notorious slum becomes open-air gallery”(Haas 1:57). These two individuals were able to send a positive message through their city wide mural whose message reached much farther than the town itself.

2:The EA argues that art is just for an individual, “Artists, meanwhile, paint the beautiful landscape in front of them while the rest of the world burns”(Southan 437). The EA argues that artists don’t care about others and don’t benefit them, however this just isn’t true.

Notes:

These two quotations are the beginning of my large revision process. My free draft had evidence but no supporting quotes. This made it easy to go in and find quotes that would solidify my evidence and overall strengthen my paper. This is the main step in my revision process. To add quotes I used the ‘sandwich’ technique from “They Say, I Say”. This means a introduced my quote, put in the quote, and then followed up my quote and connected it to my essay. Using this technique I have been able to increase the quality of my essay.

Before:

Introduction:

We find it everywhere. From the streets we walk to the web we surf, art is all around us. In fact, it is hard to imagine a world without any art at all. However, is art actually useful, or is it a waste of time? An organization called Effective Altruism would argue that art is a self-indulgent waste of time. Fuelled by a motto of happiness and long life, the EA ( Effective Altruists ) would say there are much better ways to spend your time. But are they right? For an example, friends Haas and Hahn were able to change whole communities using nothing but art. So back to the question, is art a waste of time? Absolutely not, and those who say it is don’t really understand the power of art. Art can inspire, teach, or bring change. It is a tool available to all of mankind. To argue art is a waste of time would be just as absurd as calling math or science a waste of time. Art is just as capable of purpose as the actions of the EA.

Body Paragraph 1:

Art is capable of being a powerful form of communication. Art, whether it be a form of writing, a painting, or a play. Is capable of sending messages various crowds of people. For an example, the Catholic church had numerous paintings commissioned in order to spread biblical stories. Another example, is from the TED Talk with Haas and Hahn. These two individual sent a positive message through their city wide mural whose message reached much farther than the town itself. These two examples both display two key points about arts potential  in communication. First, art is capable of sending a message. And second, communication from art can be extremely influential and widespread. The message art sends can reach people all across the world and even from different time periods. Overall, art is one of the best long-term forms of communication.

After:

We find it everywhere. From the streets we walk to the web we surf, art is all around us; from the city streets, to the music in our phones. In fact, it is hard to imagine a world without any art at all. However, is art actually worth our time? An organization called Effective Altruism would argue that art is a self-indulgent waste of time. Fueled by a motto of happiness and long life, the EA ( Effective Altruists ) would say that getting a high paying money and donating a large amount of your income would be a much better use of your time. But are they right? For an example, friends Haas and Hahn were able to change whole communities using nothing but art. So back to the question, is art a waste of time? Absolutely not, and those who say it is don’t really understand the power of art. I believe art can inspire, teach, or bring change. It is a tool available to all of mankind. To argue art is a waste of time would be just as absurd as calling math or science a waste of time. Art is just as capable of purpose as the actions of the EA.

Body Paragraph 1:

Art is capable of being a powerful form of communication. Art, whether it be a form of writing, a painting, or a play, is capable of sending messages to various crowds of people. For an example, the Catholic church had numerous paintings commissioned in order to spread biblical stories. Another example, is from the TED Talk, “How Painting can transform communities”, with Haas and Hahn. These two individual sent a positive message through their city wide mural whose message reached much farther than the town itself. These two examples both display two key points about arts potential  in communication. First, art is capable of sending a message. And second, communication from art can be extremely influential and widespread. The message art sends can reach people all across the world and even from different time periods. Overall, art is one of the best long-term forms of communication; it is able to reach across the globe and can travel through thousands of years.

Notes:

First off let me say editing may paragraphs was much more challenging then I first imagined. I had a sense of pride over my first draft, so to change it was quite a task. However I was able to bring myself to begin my edits. The Little Seagull Handbook reiterated what my peers said; I should work on how the sentences really contribute to my main point. In my head my sentences connected, but the reader could not see this connection. This meant rewording sentences to make more sense to the reader. Another suggestion my peers gave was adding evidence and giving context on Southan’s article. However, I am going to address these issues later in my revision process because I want to see where different quote and the context on Southan will fit the best and make the most sense.